Today was one of those good days. I went on a shopping trip to merryhill to do some Christmas shopping and I'm feeling good about my presents bought this year. I feel I can actually give good presents to my family instead of just getting presents. I really want to give something back. And I also got an Anne Hathaway poster for my bedroom which was fun :)

Wrapping the presents while listening to Christmas music is really making me happy aswell. I feeling good about my realisation and starting to accepting myself, I'm feeling like I am ready to start telling more of my friends about it even though some of them are very ignorant about this subject but i really want them to know. If they can't accept it then they really aren't my friends then are they.

I have also started talking to this girl who I have also liked for a very long time but i know I have hurt her from becoming distent when I was depressed. I need to find a way of making it up to her. But she makes me so happy. More happy than anyone has ever made me feel. She makes me feel sure about myself and I'm just happy talking to her.

All in all my life is good at the moment; it's taken a huge turn for the better.

So, I'm starting to come to the reality of it all. I'm starting to realise that I'm a Lesbian. I have always thought that I was bisexual and have gone out with boys because I thought it was 'the right thing to do' which isn't true. There should be more Lesbian/bisexual/transgender programs out there to teach children from a young age that it isn't wrong to be gay and that you should be who you are born to be.

Just realising from my past relationships that when I was going out with a boy I never liked the physical aspect of it. I only kissed them when the wanted to, I never made the first move or actually wanted to kiss them, and when I did I thought it was boring or nothing too it. But i just put that down to not having met the right one yet.

I haven't ever seen a boy, any boy, friend or a random man in the street, who I found really attractive and I've thought. wow, I really want to kiss that man. But with girls I get it alot, but, i thought it was wrong and ignored it.

When I was younger 12-15 I used to sneak up into my dads room and look at the porn magazines of girls and I didn't know why I did it. I was just a thing.

I notice girls much more than I do boys. In the street I see so many beautiful girls and then there are boys who I'm like yeah there good looking but that's it. Also if I'm watching a film I'll otice the girl/woman more than the boys and many of my favourite famous people are woman. I have many posters of them in my bedroom.

I don't really know what to do. It's all about the family. I don't care what my friends or people at my college will think but I don't want to disappoint my family. i don't know what they will say, or if they will even believe me. And i don't know how I would even tell them.

So, Yes, This post is me trying to pan out the reality that I am gay.

This is me.

So, I have decided to start this blog to write about my life experiences  problems just to help me to come to terms with things. I thought of writing a diary but that's too 80s so I'm going to be writing it on here.